29.Oct.2010

I walked down the carpet laid aisle with my aunt "K", I would say she is my favorite, but when you have 9 of them. You fail to choose one over the other.

I hold my red indian inspired dress with bahraini twist close to me. I unusually feel shy today!
I look down at my neck and I see huge gold necklaces passed on to me from my granny.  I feel so special knowing that no one but Baba Ali made those necklaces.  Yes, my grandpa was "9aye'3" i.e worked in the gold industry.  I remind myself to smile and continue walking down the aisle. Everything feels special to me this evening.

Ah wait today is a new day! I want to re live yesterday all over again.  Please let me.

When am asked about my perfect party set up, an outdoor lush green area would instantly pop into my mind.  A string of yellow light bulbs hung on the trees and a breeze of cold wind playing with our hair.  Not to mention a group of my beloved guests with great food and music.  Easy to make? Of course. This is what I got exactly.

I'll always remember yesterday,  an evening when 2:00 am in the morning totally felt like "Taw el nas". 

I sat among my family celebrating them into my life.  El7amdellah.

A Reflection of Reality

I slept for what seemed like a year.

I had a dream. A movie like dream.  It was about a group of friends, somewhere spending their time in a ski resort. I felt chilled in the dream-slash-movie.  I can't remember the details except for the sad ending.  One of the friends fell off a cliff and died.

Everything in the dream ran in slow motion, I lived every moment of it. I didn't feel related to the series of accidents. Just one of those random dreams you have because you dragged yourself in your sleep. That's what I thought at the beginning. 

When my eye lids started twitching me to wake up, I saw a beautiful scene.  The remaining group of friends sat in the round table, with candles all over them, laughing and eating dinner in the dim lights.  That was the last thing I remember.  Something like those Japanese drama movies. 

Later on the day, I heard the death news of an 18 years old extended family member.  He was on his way coming from Omrah. *Allah yer7amah* 

The day passed so slowly, I dressed up and headed to my uncle's house where they were reading versus of Quran followed by dinner for the family. 

To my surprise, the table had candles all over, it took me back to that dream.  My day resembled that dream to a very freaky way.  

It reminded me that no matter how shocking the news are, with the love and support of family, a smile can be drown over your face even if you literally feel your heart darkening out of sadness. 

I feel the numbness all over me. 

Silver Lining

يوماً ما سـ أكون كما أحلم أن أكون ..
يوماً ما ستلاحقني أمنياتي تتشاجر مع بعضها أيها ستتحقق أمامي قبل الأخرى !
يوماً ما ستكون برفقتي جميع الأشياء الجميلة التي أحبها تُطربني بـ أهازيج الفرح وتتراقص حولي !

هو يوماً ما ..
سيأتي قريباً أم بعيداً ، طويلاً أم قصيراً ، لا أعلم !

لكنه سـيأتي بإذن لله !

For those who are with me in my daily life, they would instantly remember a line I always say when there is a wish for something to happen: 3and Allah mb b3eed. To me, it's a very powerful statement, it sums up whatever thoughts I have in my mind. If it's written in your life journal that you will have this or that, it will happen. Now, tomorrow or years from now. And in contrary, if its not ever meant to happen, then it won't happen. Shed few tears, dwell over it, but hey it sure happened for a reason that you might not realize straight away, but days and months and years will show that you were lucky for not getting it. Few years back, me and my best friend had the same wish. We always said, if it happens; we will be complete. It never happened. I sat across her in the coffee shop days ago. We looked at each other, so here we are! did we lose anything for not getting what we wished for? No! Actually we are happier than we had ever been.

It amazed me how years passed and how our life took its rule over us. What was hidden for us, worth the wait, and will be worth everything Insha'Allah.

Everything happens for the "best" reasons.