a Year in a flash

2016.

Hubby poured me Green tea, my ideas started coming to me as I watched the steam coming off the mug and relaxed in front of my screen.

I can hear him watching House of Cards season 4 in the background. When Francis Underwood utters his senctences: the worst thing about common sense is that its common.

I am two week away from packing my suite cases and flying to my home, a place that is far from home, but holds the person who will always hold me to the ground, mom.

She is still in NYC a city I have always loved and admired, and secretly wished I could live in my teen years. A year ago, we packed both of us and flew to a 2 bedroom apartment in Upper West Side. Nothing was ever planned. God planned everything to us literally. We quickly blended in that neighborhood as if we lived their our whole life.

We familiarized ourselves with the surrounding, a doorman, a Starbucks right around the corner, A UPS Store for my quick runs to print things for my floweshop, and a line up of grocery stores with all sort of Kales I could remember names for.

When I left, I did not want to say goodbye to anyway. I just left, sent a msg while I was about to buckle my plane seat belt and switched off my phone. I stayed away for good. I still do not know what happened to me.

But I needed solitude. I needed to swallow what came my way rushing me to start living again.

I stop typing for a second, take a sip of that tea. return it back and type this.


Fast forwarding my life to today. I love what I have gained from this experience. And I am very grateful that I went through it early in my life. For it showed me the true colors of what is worth your time.

After being a crying baby for years and years, I find myself thinking three times before drifting a tear. they are waste of my energy and my thoughts.



To be continued..... 

سهيل الليل

If a year ago, someone told me, you will have what I have right now. I would have cracked a broken laugh and told them you are really dreaming. As I would imagine myself drowned in sorrow all that time.

On May 29th, 2016 at 5:35 pm, we were blessed with another son I called سهيل. A name I chosen that reminds of all those good songs that had his name. 

An angel baby indeed, he made my mama get better, he made me get better. 

I never thought I would pass through birth without mom and hubby beside me. However, god sent  my best friends, those who never at one second made me feel any less lonely. I have a family. A bigger family than I could imagine. 

I learned that you can easily be whatever you tell your mind to be. I lived most years of my life reciting that am a very sensitive, dependant person. Going through my last expereince proved the compelete opposite. I chose to have a quite birth, with nobody but my doc. God made me trust her. 

It was the first time that I draw a memory where I had full control of how I want it to be. That alone is the biggest miracle.

Natural feelings

Everything new is scary.

When I changed jobs I was scared

When I had my son Mohamed I was scared

When I opened Amaryllis I was scared

Fear was a natural feeling that accompanied me throughout most of my milestone changes.

We shouldn't look at fear as an obstacle but rather a push to us to be extra prepared.

Happy 2016. A year of changes ❤️